New political ideas just in from Balnibarbi! I think they would revolutionize America. Local politician not listening to your ideas? Well, feel free to pull his nose or give him a swift kick! Continue to do so every time you state your request until he complies. Opposing political parties who can’t agree? Well, simply match the opponents according to height, cut each one’s cranium delicately in two, and give each one 1/2 of the other’s brain. With two opposing sides combined in one space, they would surely come to agreement quickly! Need to raise money for your government? Place a tax on vices and follies. – Oh wait! – We’ve done that already, right? Cigarettes, anyone? So, instead, Balnibarbi suggests taxing those who excel in sex appeal, wit, valor, fashion sense or politeness. “To whom much has been given, much shall be required.” Elected officials seem to be more chosen for their money or popularity than for their common sense or results? Try having raffle-style elections and leave it all up to Fate. Revolutionary ideas! What say you?